


I know my own heart.

by jdmsrovia



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Amy is a supportive girlfriend, Bisexual Jake Peralta, Coming Out, Established Relationship, Gen, Jake is serious for once, Rosa is mentioned but doesn't feature
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-16
Updated: 2017-12-16
Packaged: 2019-02-15 08:31:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13027203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jdmsrovia/pseuds/jdmsrovia
Summary: When Rosa comes out, something is awoken in Jake he thought had disappeared a long time ago.-Basically the consequences of Jake getting way too emersed in his advice to Rosa, and years of denying something he was too scared to face.// edit: i've updated this work slightly from when it was originally posted, so hopefully the new version is little more quality ! im overwhelmed by the support you guys have given this. thank you all so much! //





	I know my own heart.

               

  _'I'm still the same person that I've always been, and who I love will never change that. You guys raised me to be strong, and confident, and I don't wanna hide who I am anymore.'_

                       _ **'I. am. bi.'**_

"Babe?" Jake turned quickly, snapping into reality with a harsh creek of his neck. He was almost surprised to see Amy laying next to him, book resting on her waist and concerned eyes meeting his own.

"Are you okay? You totally zoned out for a minute there."

Jake blinked a few times, worrying himself how far down the rabbit hole he'd just fallen.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine. Just super tired."

He gave a lopsided smile and took her hand in his own. He focused solely on the gentle circles he was rubbing on her thumb, desperately trying to prevent his mind wandering so far away again. Amy looked down briefly before raising her head, not convinced by his blatant cover up.

Damn her and her detective skills.

"Are you sure? I mean obviously if you've had a bad day or something that's totally fine, but you've been acting weird all week. You can tell me, you know. Or don't. It's up to you, it's just, you know, I love you, and you've seemed really distant these last few days. I just wanna make sure you're okay."

Even in the warm lighting of their small bedroom, Jake could see the distress lining her soft features. To know he was the cause of such anguish broke his heart. He wanted to interrupt her worried ramblings the second they begun, to protest, or quip a joke. But for once, he just couldn't. He tried his hardest to keep his face neutral as a million thoughts exploded in his head, panic welling up in his stomach.

 

       _'I know this may come as a shock to you, but it's my truth. So I hope you can accept that.'_

 

After a few beats of silence, he gave up resisting the hot tears welling in his eyes.

"I-I don't know what to do."

He could have sworn he heard Amy's heart break. She immediately wrapped her arms around him and pulled him into her chest, feeling his ribs rise and fall as shaky breaths left his body and her shirt began to dampen.

"Hey, come here. Jake, it's okay! I'm here, it's okay. Whatever it is, we can deal with it together, like we always do. We'll figure it out."

He felt her kiss his matted hair as she ran her fingers through it, doing what she always does when he was upset. It helped calm him down slightly, as he screwed his eyes shut. He took a few deep breaths, easing the anxiety coursing through his body, and he made one of the hardest decisions of his life.

"I have something to tell you."

His voice was barely above a whisper. He rubbed his eyes and sat up to face her, acutely aware of how much he resembled a scared little kid.

"Okay..." Her face was stricken with worry, yet she still seemed so assured and brave. Jake always wonders how she could do that. He would probably mark it down to it being her superpower or something, but a seminar seemed more likely.

He drew in a deep breath. Seeing Rosa come out completely threw everything he had ever told himself out the window. The restlessness, the vulnerability, the fear, was all too familiar. If he had a dollar for every time he almost told Amy everything in the moments he felt most himself around her, or Charles, or Rosa for that matter, he could probably pay off his crippling debt. He breathed out slowly. No more excuses.

"Ames," 

 

           _'I know my own heart.'_

 

".. I'm bi."

Her face softened instantly, and within a moment she had slung her arms around him, kissing him with such force she practically tackled him. He clung on to her, kissing and hugging her back so tightly he was scared she might snap. Once they parted, a stupid grin appeared on his face while an incomparable feeling of relief washed over him as the weight of the world slipped off his shoulders. 

"I'm so sorry Ames. I'm so sorry I never told you. We've known eachother so long and god, we're getting married, and I never said anything. I just- I always thought if I convinced myself it wasn't true, then there'd never be a need to tell anyone else. I don't know why I felt that way, maybe it was being so alone as a kid, I don't know. Maybe I just didn't want to think I was different, or that this secret looming over was something people could take advantage of. Whatever, all I know is it's something I've never allowed myself to accept, but when Rosa came out, everything just sort of.. changed."

Amy smiled sweetly at the man in front of her, gripping his hands so tight her knuckles were white, willing herself not lay kisses on his tear stained cheeks.

"The more I tried to give her advice, and the more I talked, the more I realised it wasn't her I talking about anymore."

She sniffed as tears threatened to spill from her eyes, her heart overwhelmed with pride.

"Jake, I love you so, so much. You should never be sorry for who you are ever. I'm so proud of you."

They were both openly crying now. Sitting in the centre of their bed, Amy held his face with one hand as she brushed away his tears, while Jake gripped her other tightly as nervous laughter escaped his mouth.

"And don't even think about apologising for not telling me. Not only is it your choice to come out when you want, but who you are is something that takes a long time to work out. Jake, I love you more than anything. This doesn't change a thing, and of course I support you one hundred percent. You don't have to do this alone anymore, and just because Rosa is beginning to be open with who she is, doesn't mean you should feel pressured to. You're allowed to be worried, and angry, and uncertain. It's not easy, but I promise you that I'll be there every step of the way."

He beamed at her, feeling an unwavering happiness he didn't think possible in any lifetime.

"I cannot wait to marry you, Amy Santiago."

She laughed softly, and rested her forehead against his own.

"Nor I you, Jake Peralta."

**Author's Note:**

> I know knowing Jake's character, if he wasn't straight he probably would have told Amy early on, but I thought it would be interesting to write a little drabble about how it would be for him constantly being the one so accepting of everyone else but not himself.  
> (Saying that though, after the emotions in his lil speech.. that boy is definitely not straight.). Also, this is my first b99 fic so do let me know how you feel about the characterisation! :) 
> 
> p.s I love Rosa so fucking much. how perfect is her storyline rn?!
> 
> p. p. s. would anyone be interested in a sequel/follow up for this? or is it better as a single thing? let me know in the comments!


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